fathers day (1)

I have a theory that Mother’s Day is in May because school is still in session then. Dads have the luxury of letting teachers do the creative heavy lifting and then they can grab some flowers and call it good.

Moms? We’re celebrating this Hallmark holiday in June without the benefit of teacher-led crafts and with the burden of Pinterest.  When you go to the drug store to grab a card for your husband it’s the Pinterest Burden that whispers, “Shouldn’t you have helped your toddler make paper out of paste, confetti, and your own tears and then written a personalized Haiku for your husband on that instead of buying a card?”

Stupid Pinterest.

And hey – if you’re a Pinterest Mom: I applaud you. Really, I do.  Your ability to look at a pile of toothpicks and think, “That should be woven into wicker furniture for Barbie!” is something to be admired.

Alas, I am a mere mortal. Barely capable of wielding a glue stick and entirely terrified of glitter.

(I’m sure we can all agree that glitter is the herpes of crafts.)

But since I still haven’t given up hope on my inner crafter, I turned to Pinterest to help me come up with some ideas of what I can have my daughter make (re: make myself and give her credit) my husband for Father’s Day.

And then I had to give myself a few minutes to just laugh. Because no.  So much no.


via ourbestbites.com

Bacon roses. I’ll admit it – this is cute in theory.  But it involves baking, a trip to the craft store, and creating a “toothpick stand” (AGAIN WITH THE TOOTHPICKS).  Too much for something my husband would devour in 3 minutes.

via mybrightfirefly.com

via mybrightfirefly.com

“Hoppy Father’s Day!” Love it. Play on words FTW.  Easy Origami? Thank you for the laugh. I love a good oxymoron!

via ehow.com

via ehow.com

Precious keepsake- but my husband would do this puzzle exactly zero times.  Also, you lost me at “Cut down a piece of plastic” and “decoupage” and “exacto knife”.


via lovelaughterforeverafter.com

I cannot imagine how many cans would fall to the kitchen floor and then launch off like a grenade as they shot across my living room if I tried to assemble this diaper cake of soda.  And as much as I’m sure my husband would appreciate a tower o’ junk food, he’d be taking it apart in .2 seconds to get those cans in the fridge. Or worse: just shoving it in there fully assembled and taking up ALL the space.

So to my husband: Happy Father’s Day, honey.  I love you. You’re the best dad and I may make an effort to trace our toddler’s hand onto a piece of construction paper and pass that off as a gift.  Please act very excited when it’s presented to you.

After all, at least I tried to go above and beyond this year, right?


11 thoughts on “What My Husband Will NOT Get for Father’s Day

  1. Haley

    I have always said glitter is the herpes of the craft world…SO TRUE! I swear I still have some floating around my house from Christmas. And I’m so glad you are on my level with these crafts…I see certain words and just know there is no way this is happening. Once we cross the threshold of needing to by 3+ supplies and anything more complicated than Scotch tape is needed, I’m tapping out.

    <3 Haley @ http://www.beautyinthischaos.com

  2. Jody

    Love this! I tend to pin things in the hopes that I’ll wake up one morning and suddenly just be the crafty person my pinterest boards say I am, but until then I’m totally with ya! Thanks for sharing!

  3. Lori

    Ha! I feel like most of those gifts would just be lost on a guy (except for maybe the soda cake thing). My husband would likely be happier with normal bacon on a plate, so it would be really hard to justify the 10 hours it would take me to put that bouquet together! 🙂

  4. Bev Barger

    First, j was blessed when he got u, then dbl blessed when G was born!also, glitter, no wonder the janitors didn’t like my classroom!looks like j already got his Fathers Day present!

  5. Ali @Little Miss Poof Blog

    For real though, I hate crafts. Any type of crafting. And I was a teacher. Bah. I know my husband would act like he loved it, but really it would be stuffed in a drawer somewhere. So I signed him up for Dollar Shave Club. I didn’t have to go to a store. He shaves almost every day and will actually use it. And it requires NO crafting. Done.

  6. Julia

    LOL I hate crafts and realistically my husband wouldn’t even appreciate all the craftiness that went into them. He would just prefer us to spend time together or do something he enjoys or a good steak dinner.

Comments are closed.