IMG_6954When G was a newborn, and I was nursing her around the clock, I remember thinking to myself that I would probably miss the middle of the night feedings one day.  I distinctly recall closing my eyes during one 3 a.m. feeding and and praying a silent prayer, “Lord, help me remember”. I wanted to remember the stillness and pure quiet of that time. How it felt so sacred. So perfect.

My next prayer was probably, “but please God, let her sleep.”

In those wee hours, she just needed momma.  No one else. Just me.  It’s a heavy burden – being needed like that.  It’s precious and dear but, oh, it is hard.  Like most new mommas, I had moments where I felt like I may just break under the weight of it all.  But now, as she gains more and more independence, I do find myself missing those early hours. Longing for them again, even.Moment to remember

Momma hindsight is a funny that way.  You sometimes ache for the tough stuff again because the rawness of it all fades away and you just want one more tender moment of being needed by your baby.

One night last week, G woke up at midnight and just could not be soothed.  On the rare occasion that she wakes up in the middle of the night, J usually goes in first to try to lull her back to sleep.  That night she just wouldn’t calm down for him, so I went in as backup.

I got her out of her crib and she wrapped her little arms around my neck.  I sat down in her rocker, turned ambient radio on pandora, pulled a blanket over us and settled in.

Precious girl. She breathed the biggest sigh – as if she was saying, “finally, you’re here” – and just relaxed into my chest, her head resting on my heart.

Just over a year ago, when I was still pregnant with her, my heartbeat was most of what she heard. And here we were again, that heartbeat soothing her back to sleep. The familiarity of Momma making whatever ailed her okay again.

And so I rocked. And she slept. And I rocked some more. I now try to be so conscious in these moments – because I know how fleeting they are.  Will that be the last time she needs me to rock her to sleep? Probably not. But someday it will be the last time and I may not even notice. I want to notice. I want to soak in these moments…because they go exactly as fast as everyone tells you they will. 

Lord, help me remember. And thank you for giving me another night of rocking my sweet girl to sleep.

(Thank you also to concealer for allowing me to look like a real person at work the next day after minimal sleep. And coffee. God bless coffee.)



21 thoughts on “Lord, Help Me Remember.

  1. Ali @Little Miss Poof

    wow this is so touching and beautiful. As my little girl was up last night, a lot, I found myself thinking the same things. Thank you so much for sharing such intimate and raw feelings. I love the perspective!!

  2. Kim @ This Ole Mom

    Your post is beautiful . I miss those days of rocking my babies. And, yes thank goodness for concealer! Lord only knows how many mornings I woke up needing a whole bottle of it!!!

  3. Agatha

    Such a nice and touching post. Reminds me of when my 10 yr old was a little one, but truth be told he does have his phases, and occasionally he would ask me to hold his hand until he falls asleep. I cherish those moments.

  4. Leslie

    I spent many many nights rocking babies to sleep. My oldest is 24 and my baby is 10. It goes exactly as fast as they tell you it will. Lovely post.

  5. Mama Carmody

    Those are such sweet memories. My babies turn 29 and 25 yrs old this year. I still cherish those memories of their little hands in mine. Now on to enjoying my grandkids before they are grown.

  6. Jenn Youse

    Amen, to that. Oh I remember doing the same thing, closing my eyes and breathing it all in. My kids are now 3, 5, 7 and I’d love to have another just to re-live it all again. As much as it’s an emotional, sleep deprived, crazy roller coaster it’s amazing. Wonderful post, thank you for sharing.

  7. Takisha

    I can relate to this. I had my daughter yesterday. I can still cry from the moment I found out we were having a little girl. She’s 2 now. I am so thankful that tomorrow is a new day and I can just hold and love her. Continue to treasure these moments.

  8. Yanique

    When I first became a mom, experienced mommies always told me to cherish my baby while I could because it goes by so fast. I thought they were crazy! I couldn’t wait for my baby to enter the next stage. Now that my babies aren’t babies anymore, I do recall moments that at the time seemed like they would drive me mad with nostalgia. Now I pass on the same ‘cherish them while it lasts’ advice to new moms!

  9. Kathy

    This is so true, no matter how often people tell you, you never realise just how quickly those lovely days go. Glad to hear you making the best of it!

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