As G grows older, I’m finding myself more and more clinging to glimpses. Who she was. Who she will be. And I love these glimpses – they are such a big part of really knowing her. Noticing them takes careful observation, like catching the early morning sunbeams. But oh, they are lovely. And so worth soaking in.
During babyhood, it was glimpses of who she would be. These come in little snapshots, flashes of light that are gone as quickly as they arrive. And they are simple – a food preference, a favorite song, a book that makes her giggle. I was cracking the window into who she was and what made her tick and I yearned for more…but then it goes back. She’s back to doing typical baby things like grabbing her toes or trying to roll over or spitting up on my freshly dry cleaned dress.
(Just me on that last one? Don’t let me be alone on that limb!)
But now that she’s getting older, the glimpses I once saw & yearned for are here. They aren’t fleeting. They are constant. They are her. I’m seeing the fullness of her personality. I know what she loves. I know what makes her giggle and what many of her favorites are. She doesn’t snap back into a “typical” behavior anymore because her behavior is uniquely her.
(And we can all agree that toddler’s aren’t typical, right? They are crazy people among us.)
And now I find myself aching for glimpses of babyhood. I sneak in her room to watch her sleep and smile because she still sleeps with her fanny in the air, feet and legs tucked under her, just like she did as a baby. I admire her chubby cheeks when she pouts because those are thinning out as she transitions into little girl-hood. I am so thankful for her (mostly) bald head because that is her most baby-ish feature.
And her babyhood is slipping through my fingers.
Because now she can’t fall asleep without a special stuffed animal. Her round little face and chubby legs are getting longer and thinner. And the wisps of sandy-blonde hair coming in is starting to curl up at the ends. Will she love that puppy forever? Will she be tall? Will her hair be curly?
I don’t know the answers. But I’m watching. And soaking up who she is in this moment.
And loving the glimpses of what’s to come.